She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
