You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
