I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize