Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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