Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Sorry my hands just texted you
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
