porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Even my vagina gasped.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
