I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
