This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
