I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
