Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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