I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
