if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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