True but thats because hes a fetus.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize
