Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
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