who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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