these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
