The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
