roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
