I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
