I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
