Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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