My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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