He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i love accidental penises.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Randomize