I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
