If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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