Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
