i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
