mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
