well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
