M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
