yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
