You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
