Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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