hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
