Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
His nipple licking is glorious
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