whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
