yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize