it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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