my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize