She is in my trunk
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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