I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
