I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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