Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize