My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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