sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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