did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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