If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
