I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
