I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize