Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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