lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
