bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
