I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize