Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
