you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
