so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
