SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize