Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
