Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
