he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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