I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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