Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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