u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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