I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
