Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
third nipple confirmed
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
