it was like his penis was on wheels.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
