I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
