Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
