Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
