your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
COCAINE IS GR8
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
