saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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