My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
you had me at cake vodka
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
