Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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