There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize