i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
