I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
