She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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