Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
