Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
