Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
