She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
