every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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