Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
