i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
