my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
