Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
