id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
