That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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