Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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