so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
