so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
