it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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