If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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