so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
