Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
