It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
