you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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