Your tits are I can't wait for
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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