Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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