omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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