he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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