i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
