My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
