Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
