I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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