I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
