Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
