just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
