3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
